Friday, October 14, 2011

Lame worries

I know there are better things to worry about...but I just looked over at Zari who is sitting on the other end of the couch..and you guys...she's beautiful. Like undeniably beautiful. So this makes me worry 1 of 2 things... 1.) What if she starts out this beautiful only to somehow "loose" it while growing up? or 2.) As a young lady and woman, and even as a little girl, the unwanted attention that being beautiful do I teach her to handle it? I have terrible self esteem, I like to think I'm getting better...but after so much high school rejection, I still wonder, has anyone other than my own parents and my husband ever found me attractive? This is deeply personal and I can't believe I'm putting it on a website. But hell, I've been essentially alone for two weeks now while Doug works some serious overtime.. I'm due for a little over sharing with someone. Plus, I've only told like 3 people I know about this website. I'm <hopefully> a complete stranger to any other reader. :)
How do I teach Zari to be a better person than I am? Is it even possible to teach her everything I'm not? In your early 20's you start to separate from your family, realizing that your parents and siblings aren't the perfect people you grew up thinking they were. Then in your late 20's/30's you start to realize YOU aren't everything you thought you were. Personal growth can suck.
And how to hell do you TEACH your children the lessons that you've learned? One thing being overweight and tall taught me as a kid was compassion and empathy. For some reason kids listened to me when I told them to stop picking on the fat kid...I couldn't understand why they weren't picking on me since I was fat too (and also towered over my classmates by about 12 inches..not exactly blending in). I hope she stands up for the fat kids too. Lord knows they need all the love they can get.
That's about as deep as it gets here folks. TGIF!

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